


Hand in Hand

by leemeilin



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6393913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leemeilin/pseuds/leemeilin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo tries to move on, but Jongin just won't let him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hand in Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Indecision](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/185887) by RuinedReverie. 



> I wrote this two years ago, and it took me a year to finish. I couldn't move on from the fic, so I decided to write an alternate ending. Please excuse the random Kyungstal. :D

Kyungsoo’s eyes are brimming with tears as he pulls his luggage across the living room… _their_ living room. He doesn’t know if he made the right decision, but for Jongin, he’s willing to do everything. For the sake of their five-year relationship, of the seemingly unbreakable bond of friendship that they built through the years.  
  
He heaves a sigh and heads for the door when Jongin bursts in, looking exhausted and even more troubled.  
  
“Jongin…” His voice almost cracks as he says his boyfriend’s name. He freezes on the spot, and Jongin gives him a tired smile and walks over to him. Kyungsoo lets out a yelp as Jongin takes him in his arms, holding him close.  
  
“I…I’m really sorry Kyungsoo…” Jongin breathes onto Kyungsoo’s ear. “I’m sorry I fucked up… I know ‘sorry’ isn’t even enough to make up for everything but… I just...”  
  
Kyungsoo starts to tremble, a warning that he’s about to break down, but he bites back the sobs threatening to escape his lips and hugs Jongin back. He doesn’t say anything. He lets the younger man hug him like everything that matters is here and now and nothing else.  
  
When Jongin pulls away from him with teary eyes, Kyungsoo does his best to avoid his gaze. He fidgets with his shirt.  
  
“Uhm... I’m…going.” He gives Jongin a peck on the lips, one that speaks only of love and promises of forever. He doesn’t turn back, no, not even when he sees, in his peripheral vision, Jongin trying to reach for him. Kyungsoo knows it’s better this way.  
  
  
He exits their apartment, their _home_ , and hurriedly makes his way to the elevator, fumbling with the buttons in a state of panic. He secretly wishes for Jongin to follow him and tell him it’s not necessary, that he doesn’t have to go, that he’s already decided... But Kyungsoo knows. _He fucking knows._ If Jongin’s bound to choose him anyway, he wouldn’t have had second thoughts. He would’ve chosen him right away. But Jongin didn’t, and it _fucking hurts_.  
  
  
Kyungsoo hails a cab and hands the driver a piece of paper with an address roughly half an hour away. The driver nods at him and doesn’t question his red and watery eyes, not to mention the luggage he brought with him. Kyungsoo looks out the window, hoping the plan he has set goes well. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and types a message.  
  
  
To: Im Hyunsik  
11:38 p.m.  
**  
_Hyunsik-ah~_  
_I hope you don’t mind me moving in to your apartment… especially at this hour_ _ㅠㅠㅠㅠ_  
_I know we’ve talked about this over the phone but I’ll tell you everything when I get there._  
_See you ^^_  
**  
  
  
  
  
Hyunsik is anything but prying as he helps Kyungsoo settle in the guest room. He just watches and assists the puffy-eyed man in unpacking his luggage. He knows Kyungsoo will eventually tell him exactly what happened between him and Jongin, why he’s suddenly moving in with him, why he practically lied about staying at Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s place... And Hyunsik is prepared. As soon as he received Kyungsoo’s call, he knew something’s up.  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo and Hyunsik were blockmates and orgmates back in college. Hyunsik knows Kyungsoo very well, and vice versa. He knows about the guy’s relationship with Jongin, and how long they’ve been together; he witnessed the ups and downs of said relationship. Hyunsik is fully aware of how strong the couple’s bond is, so he can’t fathom why this is actually happening. He doesn’t miss the hurt and distress painted on Kyungsoo’s face as he places his last batch of belongings in the closet.  
  
  
  
Hyunsik is caught in surprise when Kyungsoo is suddenly in front of him, eyes glassy, and he’s being pulled into a rib-crushing embrace.  
  
  
  
“Hyunsik-ah,” Kyungsoo starts, his voice hoarse from lack of use. “Thank you. So much.”  
  
  
  
Hyunsik chuckles and ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair. “You haven’t changed a bit. It’s nothing. What are friends for, right?”  
  
  
  
The shorter man looks up at him and smiles weakly.  
  
  
  
“You owe me an explanation though,” Hyunsik reminds him. “So uh...can you let go now? You’re kind of squishing me you know…”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo’s cheeks turn a light shade of red as he pulls away from Hyunsik, eyes not meeting the taller man’s.  
  
  
  
  
Three bottles of soju and Kyungsoo is a sobbing mess. Hyunsik has never seen him so broken, helpless, and desperate. He holds him in his arms, rubbing soothing circles on the small of his back. Kyungsoo doesn’t need to say anything more... Hyunsik understands. He quietly tells him, “It’s okay, just let it all out... It’ll be okay...”  
  
  
  
  
  
The next few days aren’t an improvement. Most of the time, Hyunsik hears muffled cries coming from Kyungsoo’s room. He doesn’t know what to tell him, or how to comfort him, because he himself has never experienced anything as painful and as frustrating as separation from a loved one. And it’s not just about any loved one but someone you’ve shared your life with for years… someone you never thought you'd ever be separated from.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The first thing Kyungsoo says as he goes out of his room, finally, after a week, is “Do you know any part time job?”  
  
  
  
Hyunsik almost sprays his coffee on the dining table. “What?”  
  
  
  
“I need a job, Hyunsik-ah,” Kyungsoo tells him as he sits across him.  
  
  
  
“I get that. I just… Why so sudden?” Hyunsik muses as he takes a sip from his cup.  
  
  
  
“I want to keep myself busy…”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t look at him as he continues, “I need to get my mind off things… For the past five years, I’ve always been thinking of nothing but Jongin… our relationship, our future, everything about us. I never stopped and wondered what I’m supposed to do, what I want to do, with my life. It’s always been about me and Jongin. We’ve been inseparable but now…” He tries not to dwell on the heartache as he talks about Jongin, Hyunsik can see that. But Kyungsoo’s voice cracks, and tears are threatening to spill from his eyes. “Now we’re apart, so I need to get things done. I want to feel accomplished. I want to prove myself. I want to show what I’m worth, and I hope that someday, if ever Jongin decides to choose me, he won’t regret coming back to me.”  
  
  
  
Hyunsik sighs and places his hand on Kyungsoo’s veiny ones. He lifts the latter’s chin up and gives him an encouraging smile. “Soo, I know this has been really hard for you. What you had to deal with… I can’t imagine myself going through the same thing you went through. Just know that I’m always here for you, no matter what. As for the part time job… Don’t worry, I know of one. I’ve been working there for a couple of months already.”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo smiles despite the tears welling up in his eyes. “Thanks.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Over a month has passed since Kyungsoo left his and Jongin’s apartment and since he last contacted Baekhyun and Chanyeol. He changed his number on purpose. He doesn’t want anyone to contact him just yet, not until he’s ready to face what he’s left behind. He’s currently working three part time jobs. Basically, he has little time to sleep. Sometimes he gets none at all. Hyunsik starts to worry, but Kyungsoo always brushes him off whenever he talks to him about it.  
  
  
  
“I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” Hyunsik tells him.  
  
  
  
“This is nothing. Don’t worry, I’ll get used to it.” Kyungsoo reassures him.  
  
  
  
At 8:00 a.m., Kyungsoo goes to the coffee shop just a few blocks away from Hyunsik’s apartment. He works there as a barista for about 5 hours, then he heads to an Italian restaurant nearby, where he waits tables for another 5 hours. He gets at least 2 hours of break from there, then he takes the bus to the bar he and Hyunsik work at. It takes about half an hour to get there. At the bar, he works as a waiter, and at times, he sings for Hyunsik’s band. It’s a 4-hour shift. He’s only free on Sundays. Both him and Hyunsik work overtime on Fridays and Saturdays.  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo really likes this setup. It helps him forget his worries, his insecurities, and anything related to Jongin.  
  
  
  
It’s been really peaceful and quiet for the past month, and Kyungsoo thinks that maybe it really is better this way. He’s glad he decided to cut off the only way to communicate with Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and, most especially, Jongin. He’s caught in surprise one day though, when Baekhyun sees him at the coffee shop he’s working at.  
  
  
  
“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun says, eyes wide in shock. “What the hell are you doing here?”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo forces a smile on his face. “Er… Hi, Baekhyun. Long time no see~” he singsongs.  
  
  
  
Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo knows he doesn’t stand a chance against Baekhyun, so he might as well entertain him and talk to him. He takes a short break so they can chat.  
  
  
  
“So,” Baekhyun starts, taking a sip from his cup. “First of all, why did you lie about staying at our place? You made us all worried. You don’t know how frustrated Chanyeol and I were. Even Jongin…” Baekhyun pauses, gauging Kyungsoo’s reaction. He notices how his friend flinched at the mention of Jongin’s name. “Anyway, where are you staying right now?”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo clears his throat, eyes not meeting Baekhyun’s prying ones. “I’m staying at Hyunsik’s place, so you don’t have to worry. But please don’t tell Chanyeol and Jongin... Truthfully, I didn’t want anyone to know where I am. I wanted to cut off all forms of communication till I get things straight. I needed time to think…to reflect.”  
  
  
  
“So you mean to say, if I didn’t find you here, you have no intention of contacting us or telling us where you’ve been for the past month?”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo nods slowly.  
  
  
  
Baekhyun sighs. “Look, I don’t know if this is good or bad news for you but… The last time we met Jongin, which was last week, he looked really stressed out and troubled. He told us that Sehun moved to Australia with his family, for good. It seems that he has already talked things out with him. But Soo, when he asks about you, wondering where you are all this time, he seems…really frustrated. I can tell that he misses you. I’m not sure if he’s done thinking things through but… I think he wants you back. You two have to talk this out soon.”  
  
  
  
“Baek, I can’t. Not yet. As much as I love Jongin, I don’t think I have the courage to face him just yet. I need more time.”  
  
  
  
Baekhyun nods as he finishes his coffee. “I know that. I’m not pressuring you. I’m just saying that sooner or later you’ll need to talk. Jongin has been such a jerk, but I can’t stand the two of you looking so lost and broken without each other’s company, to be honest.”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo freezes. All along he thought he’s been doing good in coping with being away from Jongin. Apparently, his friends still know him best. Hyunsik seems to know this much too.  
  
  
  
“I’m going then. I’ll see you around.” Baekhyun pulls him into a quick hug before leaving.  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo is left dumbfounded for the rest of the day. Baekhyun’s words are on repeat in his mind. _I think he wants you back_. He doesn’t know how to react to that. Sure, he’s happy that somehow, Jongin misses him. But he needs to hear it from Jongin himself. Has he decided? Does he really want Kyungsoo back or does he only want him back to completely forget about Sehun? With so many thoughts invading Kyungsoo’s mind, he can’t concentrate on work. But he can’t afford to skip, not even one of his three jobs. It’s Friday, after all.  
  
  
  
  
  
It’s midnight and there are lots of customers at the bar. Hyunsik and Kyungsoo are busy serving food and drinks here and there. It’s noisy and crowded and the air smells of cigarette, the usual bar atmosphere. Kyungsoo is in the middle of giving the last set of drinks before going up the stage when he sees a familiar figure at the corner of the bar, where there are much less people. His eyes widen and his heart skips a beat. He quickly turns away, afraid that said person will see him. Thankfully, Hyunsik calls him, waiting for him by the stage. He nods and hurriedly approaches the band.  
  
The lights on the dance floor slowly dim and the club music stops. Hyunsik hands Kyungsoo his mic. When Kyungsoo stays frozen in his spot, Hyunsik gives him a little push towards the centerstage before nodding and giving an encouraging smile. “You can do this,” he mouths.  
  
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. The band starts playing, with the plucking of the guitar, and Kyungsoo brings the mic to his lips, closes his eyes, and sings. He sings with all his heart and lets out the emotions hidden deep in its recesses.  
  
_Hey, so thank you_  
_For being with me every day_  
_In my tears_  
_For filling in the empty yearning in me_  
_Hey, so thank you_  
_For not showing the way to forget you even once_  
_before you leave_  
_For making me be filled with you for all of my life like this_  
  
  
  
_So thank you_  
_I miss you_  
_And thank you, again_  
  
  
  
_I am so fine, I am so fine_  
_Every day I cry myself to sleep_  
_Every time I breathe it hurts_  
_You are inside me (you are there)_  
_And that makes me happy_  
  
  
The moment the song ends, Kyungsoo runs to the back exit, not wanting anyone to witness the tears streaming down his face. He squats and buries his face in his hands, letting the tears flow freely.  
  
“Kyungsoo.”  
  
He stops crying, quite abruptly, but he doesn’t look up. He knows that voice. He misses that voice. How unfortunate of him to be seen in such a situation. Kyungsoo smacks himself mentally. Owner of said voice kneels in front of him, and before he knows it, another pair of hands have found their way onto his. Kyungsoo doesn’t have a choice but to reveal his face. He looks up and is greeted with Jongin’s face, unsmiling and full of longing and concern.  
  
“What are you doing here?” are the words that escape Kyungsoo’s lips.  
  
Jongin rubs his thumb against Kyungsoo’s cheek and wipes a lone tear. “I wanted to see you.”  
  
Kyungsoo just stares at him, unsure of how to react, waiting for him to say something more.  
  
Jongin sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He doesn’t lose eye contact with Kyungsoo as he continues, “I’ve been wanting to see you for the past week… It was frustrating, finding out that you weren’t staying with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, not knowing who to contact so I’ll know exactly where you are. Baekhyun called me this morning and told me he saw you at a coffee shop. He didn’t want to tell me where you’re staying, so I figured I’ll search for addresses of your close friends back in college. And I did. I found Hyunsik’s address and contact number. It took a while to convince him to tell me where you are at this hour though.”  
  
Jongin gives Kyungsoo’s hands a gentle squeeze. “Soo… I fucked up real bad, didn’t I? I destroyed our relationship. I didn’t even give us a chance to try and go back to how we used to be. I’ve given it a lot of thought… All along, while I was with you during those times, I kept thinking about Sehun and not you, not us. It was so selfish of me. No amount of ‘sorry’ can ever make up for what I’ve done. I –”  
  
“Stop.” Kyungsoo suddenly butts in, looking away. He releases his hands from Jongin’s grip. “I don’t need this right now. I have to get back to work, Jongin. Let’s talk about this some other time.” He stands up, and he’s about to pull the door open when Jongin holds on to his arm.  
  
“No. You need to hear me out because if I don’t tell you now, I might not have the courage to tell you some other time.”  
  
Kyungsoo slowly lets go of the doorknob and turns to Jongin, giving him a sharp look. “Fine. Let’s talk somewhere else.” He leads Jongin to an alley just around the corner. He double checks if there are any people in the vicinity, and when he’s sure there’s no one, he’s suddenly being backed up against the wall, Jongin’s arms trapping him there. His heart is racing and he can’t think straight. He can’t even look Jongin in the eyes because he’s afraid he’ll break if he does.  
  
“Look at me,” Jongin demands. His breath reeks of alcohol, Kyungsoo notices.  
  
Kyungsoo shakes his head. “No.” He tries pushing Jongin away but to no avail. Jongin won’t budge. If anything, he even inches himself closer. He’s so close Kyungsoo can hear his uneven breathing. Kyungsoo lets out a frustrated sigh. “So…? What were you–”  
  
Jongin then starts kissing him with so much force, enough to leave bruises on their lips. And then there’s Jongin’s tongue invading his mouth and he can’t help but moan into the kiss. He fails at another attempt to push Jongin away because he’s so damn distracted and Jongin’s such a good kisser, and though he hates to admit it, he misses this so much. He’s suddenly filled with so much desire that he just wants to touch Jongin everywhere, in places he’s touched him before and more.  
  
It’s when Jongin subtly thrusts his hips against his that Kyungsoo finds enough strength to push him away and punch him square in the face. They’re both panting and catching their breaths, but Kyungsoo finds it harder to breathe because he’s crying again. And this time, he glares at Jongin through his tears.  
  
Jongin smiles bitterly, wiping the blood off the small cut on his lips. He’s a bit taken aback by Kyungsoo’s strength.  
  
“Is that what you were supposed to say?!” Kyungsoo asks angrily. “What, do you think I’ll just go home with you if you kiss me like that? Of course, you have alcohol in your system. Why did I even think of letting you talk to me in your state? What will I get out of that?” He doesn’t leave Jongin there, no. He waits for an answer.  
  
Jongin just laughs, but the laughter is soon replaced with sobs, and suddenly, he’s on his knees. “I want to fix this…to fix us. But I’m just so lost right now. I don’t know how to do it, how to make it up to you, how to prove myself to you…to make you trust me again. I just–” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Kyungsoo slaps him hard and it leaves him frozen on the spot.  
  
“You’re such an idiot,” Kyungsoo tells him, his voice wavering as a result of his inability to stop crying. Before he can stop himself, he pulls the distraught Jongin up and kisses him languidly. He leaves subtle hints of hope and tomorrow in the way he kisses him. When they pull away, Kyungsoo avoids Jongin’s questioning look.  
  
“What…what was that supposed to mean?” Jongin asks, confused.  
  
Kyungsoo ignores him and merely walks away with tears still streaming down his face, not even daring to look back. _Time heals all wounds,_ Kyungsoo tells himself. _Please wait a bit more, Jongin-ah._  
  
Jongin doesn’t chase after him as he doesn’t know if he should. He’s perplexed by the turn of events. He has no idea where their relationship lies now, but at least he tried. And he’ll try again. And again, and again, and again, until Kyungsoo accepts him and moves back in with him.  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo refuses to go out for the next few days after that encounter in the bar, much to Hyunsik’s chagrin. His friend has tried numerous times to talk to him about it, but Kyungsoo chooses to lock himself up, once again, in the guest room.  
  
Hyunsik knocks on the door as loud as he can to let Kyungsoo know that he’s not liking this at all. It’s the fourth day and he still won’t go out. On top of that, he’s been skipping work, and Hyunsik knows Kyungsoo never skips work.  
  
“Kyungsoo, please come out,” Hyunsik says, incessantly knocking on Kyungsoo’s door. “If you don’t want to talk about what happened, can you at least go grocery shopping?”  
  
There’s a groan, shuffling of feet, and the door opens. The first thing Hyunsik notices are the dark circles under Kyungsoo’s eyes. He takes note of his friend’s dishevelled hair, crumpled, baggy shirt, and the fact that he’s only wearing boxers.  
  
“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?” Hyunsik asks him, frowning. “You look terrible.”  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t smile and replies, through gritted teeth, “Gee, thanks. I really needed the confidence boost.”  
  
Hyunsik chuckles and pinches Kyungsoo’s cheeks. “You’re so cute when you get annoyed~”  
  
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and swats Hyunsik’s hands away from his face. “Just give me 10 minutes. I’ll be out by then.”  
  
“Ok, Soo-soo~”  
  
“I told you not to call me that!!!” Kyungsoo playfully smacks Hyunsik’s arm as he pushes him away from his bedroom door.  
  
  
  
  
It’s pretty much normal to think Kyungsoo will eventually stop moping about his first encounter with Jongin after he left him, but on the contrary, he’s drinking his thoughts away at the bar, two weeks following the encounter. His bandmates, including Hyunsik, have all left as soon as their shift ended. Kyungsoo likes the peace and quiet (not really) when they leave though. No one’s going to force him to go find someone to hook up with for the night, because recently Hyunsik’s been doing that on a nightly basis.  
  
Kyungsoo’s lost in his thoughts when someone from behind him speaks.  
  
“Do Kyungsoo?” It is a female’s voice and it sounds oddly familiar. Before Kyungsoo could turn around, owner of said voice is already beside him. “Oh my gosh it _is_ you!” Kyungsoo takes in the long, wavy hair, gorgeous face and lips so red, and lean body clothed in a really short, sparkling, skin-tight, pink dress.  
  
“Jung Soojung?” Kyungsoo doesn’t know why but he gulps, because _damn_ she’s still as gorgeous as ever. They used to be schoolmates back in high school and she’s every guy’s dream girlfriend. She’s also one of those girls who fell head over heels for Jongin, so it’s only natural that Kyungsoo won’t ever forget her.  
  
Soojung smiles, as if relieved that Kyungsoo still recognizes her. “Is this seat taken?”  
  
Kyungsoo just shakes his head vigorously, drinking the contents of his glass in one shot as Soojung sits beside him. She sits way too close their legs bump. He suddenly feels too hot and he’s not sure if it’s the alcohol that’s making his heart beat in an abnormally quick rate.  
  
“You really sing well, you know,” she tells him, lips curling into a smile, as she takes a sip from the glass the bartender had handed her.  
  
“T-thanks, I guess…” Kyungsoo mumbles, but loud enough for Soojung to catch what he said despite the club music in the background. “H-how did you…?”  
  
“Find you here?” Soojung finishes for him. Kyungsoo gives her a slight nod, eyes concentrated on his glass. She chuckles. “I normally go to bars on Friday and Saturday nights. And I didn’t intentionally look for you, if that’s what you were thinking.”  
  
Kyungsoo’s face turns tomato red. What is he even thinking? It must be the alcohol. For the next hour, Kyungsoo just listens to Soojung blabber about her life, something to do with a Lee Taemin and her best friend, Choi Jinri, caught having sex in the former’s apartment, which resulted to Soojung’s weekly bar hopping life. At one point Kyungsoo stops drinking and chooses to indulge in Soojung’s tales, and he can’t help but keep staring at her plump lips as she talks. Every now and then Kyungsoo gives himself a mental slap for thinking about kissing those lovely, sweet-looking lips because _no_ he’s not straight and it’s probably just the effect of the alcohol, him finding Soojung so painfully attractive his pants are starting to get too tight and uncomfortable to wear.  
  
A few more drinks later, Kyungsoo almost chokes on his saliva when Soojung suddenly places her hand on his thigh and stares at him straight in the eyes.  
  
“I’m really very attracted to you right now, Kyungsoo.” She tells him, her eyes filled with desire and longing and wanting to be touched.  
  
Kyungsoo knows he’s not supposed to entertain whatever thoughts he’s having about Soojung right now but there’s just something about her that draws him in, at least for tonight. He leans in, just enough for their breaths to mingle and their noses almost touch. “I might sound crazy because we both know I’m gay as gay can be, but I’m also very attracted to you right now, Soojung. And I want to kiss you so bad we’d both be breathless.” So he does just that, closing the gap between them, and lips met with lips. It’s agonizingly slow at first, with a little bit of tongue, then it becomes rabid; they grab on each other’s clothes and hair, and Soojung, quite unintentionally, lurches forward, her leg slightly grazing Kyungsoo’s crotch. She notices that he’s slightly aroused.  
  
“Let’s go to my place,” Soojung says against his lips, and Kyungsoo does nothing but oblige. They do the best they can to keep their hands to themselves while in the cab and in the elevator, until they reach the fifth floor, where Soojung’s unit is located. As soon as they get inside 512, shoes and keys are being thrown aside. Soojung jumps and Kyungsoo catches her, holding her by her thighs and back for support. Their kisses get much more passionate and full of desire as Kyungsoo walks them to Soojung’s room, which is on the far left corner.  
  
Kyungsoo gently throws Soojung on her bed, him following suit and landing right on top of her. They stop kissing for a while and end up looking in each other’s eyes. “Are we really going to do this?” he asks her softly, his body screaming at him with so much want he thinks he’ll explode. Soojung just nods at him and caresses his face while Kyungsoo closes his eyes and leans in to the touch. “It’s… it’s my first time with a girl, though.”  
  
Soojung gives him a peck on the lips. “It’s okay. I’ll guide you.” She then motions for Kyungsoo to get the lube and condom from her bedside drawer. Clothes are discarded, and the next thing they know they’re getting it on, not minding if they make too much noise because it’s been a while since both of them got laid.  
  
  
Everything’s a blur the next morning. Kyungsoo has never been this shit-faced drunk before, but he remembers having a really good time he’s not even guilty about it. He succeeded in forgetting about Jongin, even for just one night. He’s met with a really bad headache when he opens his eyes though, but he can smell bacon and eggs and toast being cooked so it somehow feels better. He sighs as he takes in his naked form. He doesn’t even bother to get properly dressed; he just puts on his boxers and pants, as it seems Soojung has taken his shirt. True enough, as he walks into the kitchen, Soojung’s clad in his shirt and just her panties. He tries to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of his mind, how it used to be him wearing his boyfriend’s (now ex) top and cooking breakfast after mind-blowing sex. He sighs and puts his face in his palms, sitting quietly at the dining table.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Soojung suddenly asks, making Kyungsoo look up at her. He’s kind of baffled by the fact that she seems unfazed about what happened, what they did, last night.  
  
“Talk about what, exactly?” his voice sounds hoarse and he’s slightly embarrassed.  
  
Soojung, however, doesn’t seem to mind and just smiles, albeit a bit sadly. “Kim Jongin.”  
  
Kyungsoo stares at her, wide-eyed, because how the hell did she know about him and Jongin? He’s pretty sure they kept it a secret from others when they were in high school. They only started being more open about their relationship in college, since people aren’t as judgmental there.  
  
Soojung seems to have sensed Kyungsoo’s surprise because she adds in, “It was pretty much obvious you two were dating since high school. Almost everyone knew, but they chose to be quiet about it.”  
  
“We were _that_ obvious?” Kyungsoo asks, getting curious now.  
  
“Apparently,” Soojung replies, serving him the breakfast she just cooked. “Also, you were mumbling his name in your sleep.” Kyungsoo coughs, and when he doesn’t stop at once, Soojung rushes to his side and pats him on the back. “Are you alright?” she asks worriedly.  
  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit…shocked.” He clears his throat and Soojung takes the seat across him.  
  
“You better help yourself before the food gets cold,” she tells him, taking a bite of her toast.  
  
They eat in silence as if nothing had happened. It’s only after they washed their plates (Kyungsoo insisted on helping Soojung) that they sit in the living room and start to talk. For real. And that’s when Kyungsoo mentions him and Jongin being over because Jongin fell for some other guy, his secretary to be exact, and how their relationship’s just falling apart. Soojung just nods in understanding.  
  
“So we’ve both been cheated on, huh.” Soojung plays with her hands on her thighs and Kyungsoo notices. She looks a bit nervous and awkward. Surprisingly, Kyungsoo is past the awkward stage, considering how they’ve only met, after years, last night, not to mention that they had sex and in Soojung’s place too.  
  
“Soojung.”  
  
“Hmm?” Soojung continues to play with her hands, not making eye contact with Kyungsoo.  
  
“About last night…”  
  
“Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal.”  
  
“Yeah, it’s just… I feel bad because it’s like I just used you to get off or something and I–”  
  
Soojung places a finger on Kyungsoo’s lips. “We both used each other. No hard feelings. Okay?”  
  
Kyungsoo nods, too stunned to speak because of their close proximity. He tries not to look down and get a full view of Soojung’s chest because hell it’s just _right there_ in front of him and he thinks he might throw up, thinking back to whatever he had done to it the previous night.  
  
Soojung giggles when she moves a good distance away from Kyungsoo. “You look cute when you’re flustered, you know.”  
  
“I-I’m not flustered!” Kyungsoo defends, looking away.  
  
“For someone who had his first one night stand with a girl, you don’t seem all that awkward, _oppa._ ” She continues to giggle and it’s making Kyungsoo’s stomach feel funny.  
  
“Don’t call me _oppa_ ,” is what he tells her, although he secretly likes the sound of the word rolling in Soojung’s tongue. Not that he’s ever going to admit it.  
  
“Right. So no hard feelings?”  
  
“No hard feelings. But I don’t think I can ever forget this happened.”  
  
“I don’t regret last night at all. It was fun. And it feels like I got to know you better, other than being Kim Jongin’s most treasured person.”  
  
They smile at each other a lot, and an hour later Kyungsoo’s walking out the door, Soojung’s number saved in his phone. They promised to still keep in touch, and if they’re looking for hookups, they know the person to contact. They sort of agreed on a no-strings-attached kind of _relationship_. Once Kyungsoo is out of Soojung’s apartment, the dread of facing another day of longing for Jongin welcomes him.

 

Kyungsoo hopes Hyunsik isn’t around to ask him loads of questions about his little adventure the night before, but alas, he’s simply not lucky enough.  
  
“So what have you been up to?” Hyunsik asks him while he hurriedly makes his way to his room in an attempt to escape.  
  
“Nothing much,” he replies, not daring to look at Hyunsik in the eyes. “Just had a few drinks, that’s all.” As he's about to enter his room, Hyunsik blocks his way.  
  
“And I’m pretty sure you didn’t camp out at the bar.” Hyunsik wiggles his eyebrows and Kyungsoo just face palms. “So where have you been?”  
  
“Look, I have a really bad hangover so can we just talk about this some other time? Please?” He pleads. He puts on his most sympathy-inducing pout, hoping it’ll work. Again, Kyungsoo simply isn’t lucky enough so Hyunsik just eggs him on.  
  
“Who was it? A rich businessman? Or the boy-next-door type? Tell me, Soo!” He jumps on the balls of his feet, like a five-year-old child about to be given candy for being a good boy.  
  
Kyungsoo sighs, massages his temples, and leans on the door frame of his room. “I’m only saying this once and we’re not talking about it ever again. Promise?”  
  
Hyunsik just nods frantically, to which Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes, I promise! Just tell me!”  
  
“I had a one-night stand with a really gorgeous girl. Someone from high school. And nope, I’m not telling you who she is. Now leave me alone.” With that, he slams his door shut in Hyunsik’s face. He throws himself face down on his bed, willing the sheets to just eat him up alive because little by little, last night’s events are replaying in his head—the want and the need for him to be touched and touch and feel wanted, since he hasn’t felt that for so long a time. As he closes his eyes, he feels the burning sensations caused by Soojung’s soft touches, like he’s being touched all over again.  
  
  
  
Jongin shows up at the bar in the middle of the week. Kyungsoo has been keen on ignoring his calls and text messages. He even warned him not to go to Hyunsik’s place. However, he seemed to have forgotten to tell him not to bother him at his workplace. He mentally slaps himself for not being very specific with Jongin.  
  
“Hyunsik told me you let go of your two other part-time jobs because you have cooking classes in the morning.”  
  
They’re in the storage room at the moment because Kyungsoo’s positive it’s the only place in the bar that doesn’t have couples making out and doing other things anyone won’t want to walk in to.  
  
“I was worried… if you were making enough for yourself, if you were eating properly, getting enough rest...” Jongin sighs, making Kyungsoo take a whiff of his breath. No scent of alcohol. He’s a bit delighted at the thought but shows no sign of it.  
  
“I’m doing just fine, Jongin. You don’t have to worry about me.” Kyungsoo looks up at him and he’s met with sad eyes, really sad eyes that can suck all your happiness.  
  
Jongin looks away. “Well, that’s… really good to hear then.” He awkwardly scratches his nape.  
  
“Jongin.” Kyungsoo cups his face in his hands, and he feels Jongin stiffen at his touch. He sighs. “You should stop worrying about me.” He then traces the bags under Jongin’s eyes. “Look at you. You look so tired and depressed. Take a day or two off from work. Go on a vacation.”  
  
“Soo, please,” Jongin pleads, taking Kyungsoo’s hand in his, tears brimming on the corner of his eyes. “The last time I went on a vacation without you, I ended up doing things that I’m now regretting and will probably regret for the rest of my life. I don’t want that to happen again.” _I don’t want to hurt you again_ , Jongin thinks to himself, the words unspoken.  
  
Kyungsoo chuckles as he wipes Jongin’s eyes. He plants a kiss on each eyelid. “You’re so silly.”  
  
Then he’s being engulfed into a rib-crushing embrace. “I just miss you so fucking bad it’s like I’m being suffocated every time I lie on our bed and you’re not there. And it’s just, so, so cold… the emptiness sends shivers all over my body.”  
  
The elder of the two sighs, patting Jongin on the back like how he used to comfort him when he’s depressed as shit. “You should stop seeing me. We need space.” That’s all he says, giving Jongin’s hand a squeeze before leaving him in the storage room.  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo hasn’t heard from Jongin for two weeks straight. Baekhyun only updates him from time to time, to make sure Jongin isn’t doing anything stupid, that is, trying to overdose on sleeping pills, or anything life threatening for that matter. He sits at the bar again, after a long night of singing and waiting on tables. He thinks he deserves a drink for all the hard work for the past week. It’s 2:45 a.m. and there aren’t a lot of customers left. They consist of mostly couples either making out or grinding on each other on the dance floor, and Kyungsoo has no interest in their affairs so he prefers to sit by the bar and let the bartender mix a few drinks for him. He fishes his phone out of his jeans and rereads the message he received just a few minutes before call time.  
  
  
From: Jung Soojung  
10:57 p.m.  
**  
_Kyungsoo oppa!_  
_I’m gonna drop by at the bar later._  
_See you!_  
**  
  
  
If Kyungsoo were to be honest, he’s been looking forward to meeting Soojung again. She has been sending him random messages, mostly rants about her ex-boyfriend and her best friend. Sometimes she sends him random photos of her whereabouts. Kyungsoo doesn’t really reply, but he enjoys seeing Soojung’s messages.  
  
His phone lights up and buzzes.  
  
From: Jung Soojung  
2:51 a.m.  
**  
_I’m at the back entrance~_  
**  
  
He hastily types a reply, suddenly feeling a wee bit too excited at the thought of seeing Soojung.  
  
To: Jung Soojung  
2:52 a.m.  
**  
_I’ll be right there in a sec._  
_Wait for me._  
**  
  
  
Kyungsoo’s being attacked with fiery kisses as soon as he steps out of the back entrance. Soojung is literally all over him, touching him everywhere and planting burning kisses on his face and neck.  
  
“Soojung, calm down.” He tries to stop her but he’s only being backed up against the wall as Soojung attacks him with her plump lips. The next thing he knows, she’s bucking her hips against his and she lets out a moan while fumbling with his belt. “N-not here!” He hisses, looking around for anyone that might walk in on them. Soojung momentarily stops and Kyungsoo takes this chance to grab her arm and drag her inside, to the spare room in the basement. He makes sure to lock the door before he’s hurriedly taking his jacket off, Soojung getting rid of her heels and stockings before shedding all her remaining clothing. Kyungsoo gapes and stops in the middle of undressing because he’s not even that drunk but something about Soojung stripping naked in front of him just makes him want her so bad. It’s like he’s been bewitched by some spell.  
  
It happens so fast, both of them so needy and more rushed than before. Soojung collapses on top of Kyungsoo on the dusty couch, Kyungsoo holding her close. The room is silent apart from their heavy breathing and panting.  
  
“I’m taking you home,” Kyungsoo says, breaking the silence. Soojung just nods and they get dressed, then they’re in Kyungsoo’s car, on the way to Soojung’s apartment, as if nothing had just happened.  
  
On the way, Soojung just stares out the window while Kyungsoo concentrates on driving. It’s when they arrive at Soojung’s doorstep, Kyungsoo about to say goodbye, that Soojung finds her voice.  
  
“I saw them,” she begins, looking down at her feet. “Taemin and Jinri. They were making out, and there’s nothing new about that. But I saw something on Jinri’s hand.” She pauses, wondering if she should continue.  
  
“They’re getting married?” Kyungsoo guesses, and once the words leave his lips, he regrets having said them because Soojung nods and there are tears in her eyes. She looks so hurt and helpless, and she falls right into Kyungsoo’s arms, sobbing hysterically. He does nothing but hug her, and when she’s calmed down a bit, they let themselves in. Kyungsoo makes Soojung sit on the couch while he fetches her a glass of water. He looks for lemon in the refrigerator and puts a small slice in the glass. When he returns to the living room, Soojung is fast asleep. He carries her to her room instead, and when he’s about to leave, his hand is being grabbed by a half-asleep Soojung.  
  
“Stay with me, please?” Her eyes are half lidded with sleep and her voice so soft, her frame so fragile that Kyungsoo couldn’t say no. In the back of Kyungsoo’s mind, he knows; they’re both starting to get too attached to each other, and it’s out of their deal. _But that’s not what’s important right now_ , Kyungsoo convinces himself. They fall asleep lying beside each other, Kyungsoo’s hand in Soojung’s.  
  
  
He certainly isn’t expecting to wake up to Soojung sitting on top of him, nibbling on his ear, jaw, neck, and collarbones. “Soojung, it’s t-too early for t-this,” he all but groans, said girl kissing a sensitive spot on Kyungsoo’s ear. He lamely tries to push her off him, only to make her giggle and pin his arms down on the bed. He looks up at her and sees the hurt in her eyes.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Soojung whispers, releasing her tight grip on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “You can go…” She gets off him and heads straight to the bathroom without looking back.  
  
  
  
A whole month passes by, and Kyungsoo has gotten used to not receiving messages from Soojung. In fact, he has even started going out with Jongin again. They’d gone on dates thrice after that messy night with Soojung. Jongin, of course, doesn’t know about it. Kyungsoo thinks he doesn’t need to know. After all, it’s just a no-strings-attached thing; it’s always just one night, and it’s over once they’ve gotten what they want from each other.  
  
Jongin has taken another step towards mending their broken relationship. He has invited Kyungsoo to stay at his place over the weekend. It’s awkward, to say the least, since Kyungsoo had spent so much time in Jongin’s apartment before but now it feels so strange to be back. He’s preparing nachos and popcorn for their movie night, while Jongin sits by the kitchen table, watching Kyungsoo do his stuff. Kyungsoo hums in contentment, knowing Jongin’s just there observing his every move.  
  
Of all movies to watch, Jongin just had to choose Friends with Benefits. Kyungsoo mentally head desks because he knows Jongin is aware that the movie is not merely about friendship but also sex, sex, and more sex. And that’s why he can’t help but squirm in his seat as said scenes play on the screen. Jongin, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to mind, but it’s suddenly too hot he starts fanning his face and taking deep breaths every now and then. Halfway through the movie, Kyungsoo excuses himself because he just can’t stand being in the same room with Jongin when he feels so hot and bothered and his pants feel a bit too tight than usual. His skin is flush and there’s sweat trickling down his neck. He splashes water in his face and looks at his reflection in the mirror, shaking his head at himself. He closes his eyes for a bit, then there are suddenly hands wrapped around his waist and uneven breath fanning his neck. Kyungsoo shudders a bit and his heart drops to his stomach.  
  
“Kyungsoo…” Jongin whispers in his ear, and he starts to plant kisses from the top of his head, down his nape and shoulders, his hands running up and down Kyungsoo’s torso, pulling him impossibly closer.  
  
And Kyungsoo lets Jongin do what he wants. He can’t deny he terribly missed this, Jongin just touching him and giving precious attention to every nook of his body. Things escalate and they find themselves in a hurry to remove all their clothes, movie long forgotten. Jongin all but gently throws him on the bed, his eyes full of want and longing. The feeling is mutual, as Kyungsoo really missed Jongin so bad all he wants is to be claimed, to be his and his only, again.  
  
No words are exchanged, just touches that are etched bone deep. Words aren’t needed anyway. The way skin meets skin, there’s just an overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation and reconciliation. Jongin and Kyungsoo both know how much love they feel for the other, and that’s enough for them. It’s all that matters for now.  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the quiet “I love you so much, Soo” Jongin says before collapsing beside him and holding him close to his heart. He only says “I love you too, Jongin” when he hears Jongin’s steady breathing, a sign that he’s fast asleep.  
  
  
Jongin wakes up to an empty bed and the smell of pancakes coming from the kitchen. He smiles, feeling so happy that Kyungsoo didn’t leave. He stayed, and he’s even cooking him breakfast, just like how he used to when they were still together. He puts his boxers and tank top on before heading out to the kitchen. He grins at the sight of Kyungsoo wearing one of his favorite loose shirts, just that and his own boxers, like old times.  
  
“Good morning!” He happily chirps, giving Kyungsoo a back hug and making him turn to give him a proper kiss on the lips. Kyungsoo kisses back once, twice, and even thrice, and that only brightens Jongin’s mood even more.  
  
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Kyungsoo greets him cheerfully. “Looks like you’re in a really good mood today~”  
  
Jongin nods as he settles on his seat by the kitchen table, watching Kyungsoo yet again. “Absolutely!” There’s a slight pang of pain in his chest, realizing that this is all probably too good to be true. “But it feels like I’m just dreaming…”  
  
Kyungsoo walks over and puts the plate of pancakes on the table. He sighs as he sits in front of Jongin. “You’re not dreaming. I’m right here in front of you.” He holds Jongin’s hand and squeezes it tightly. The latter gives him a small smile, and they sit in silence as they eat their breakfast.  
  
Jongin chooses to break the silence with a barely audible, “Are we okay?”  
  
Kyungsoo isn’t the least bit surprised, because he knows Jongin’s bound to ask him that sooner or later. “I don’t know. Are we?” He throws the question back, their gazes meeting. Jongin looks hurt, as if expecting Kyungsoo to answer, and Kyungsoo somehow feels bad for merely throwing the question back at him.  
  
“I… I’m really sorry I fucked up,” Jongin says earnestly, not breaking eye contact. “I’m trying to make it up to you, because, Soo, I really can’t stand not being with you. These past few months have been hell, believe me. I always miss your voice, the way you scold me when I forget to drink my vitamins, when I skip my meals…” He starts to break down in quiet sobs and Kyungsoo rushes to his side, hugging him tight in an attempt to calm him down.  
  
“Shh, it’s okay, Jongin. I’m here now.” He plants kisses on Jongin’s face, not missing a spot, not even one.. When the latter stops sobbing, Kyungsoo decides it’s time to tell him everything. “Listen, Jongin… There’s something I have to tell you.”  
  
Then he proceeds to talk about Soojung, how they met at the bar by accident, how things always seem to end up with them just being all over each other, all needy and merely lusting after the other. He sees the hurt in Jongin’s eyes, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing because Jongin deserves to know.  
  
“And you’re telling me all of this now because?” Jongin asks, voice sounding so broken.  
  
“Because I don’t want to keep secrets from you. I don’t want you to lose your trust in me like how I lost my trust in you.” Kyungsoo sighs, and situates himself on Jongin’s lap. He holds his face close to his, their noses almost touching. “I think, I’m ready to start over.”  
  
And then he’s being attacked with kisses here and there, and he shrieks when Jongin carries him bridal style to their room. He won’t have this any other way.  
  
  
In the middle of packing his things, as he’s moving back in with Jongin, Kyungsoo remembers Soojung, wondering how she’s been for the past month and a half. He calls her, but he’s directed to voice mail, so he sends her a text message instead.  
  
To: Jung Soojung  
9:58 a.m.  
**  
_Hey, Soojung._  
_I need to talk to you._  
_Can we meet tonight?_  
_I’ll go to your place at 7._  
**  
  
He’s placing the last batch of his belongings in Jongin’s car when his phone buzzes.  
  
From: Jung Soojung  
11:05 a.m.  
**  
_Hi, Kyungsoo oppa._  
_Sure, I’ll be waiting~_  
_See you ^^_  
**  
  
“I’m going to Soojung’s place later,” Kyungsoo informs Jongin while on their way to Jongin’s apartment.  
  
Jongin hums and takes Kyungsoo’s hand in his, kissing the back of his hand. “Okay. I’ll drop you off.”  
  
  
  
Soojung paces nervously in her living room. _What does he want to talk to me about? Could it be… they’re together again?_ Just as Soojung’s drowning in her thoughts, there’s a soft knock on her door. She takes deep breaths before unlocking it and letting Kyungsoo in. They awkwardly sit a foot apart from each other on the couch. Kyungsoo notices Soojung’s been playing with her hands, so he reaches for them and holds them in his.  
  
“Soojung,” he begins, making Soojung look at him, albeit with teary eyes. It seems she already knows why they’re in her living room right now, about to start a conversation that’s going to be a huge blow to her. Nonetheless, he continues, “I’m moving back in with Jongin.” He lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding.  
  
“I kind of figured,” Soojungs says, smiling despite the tears in her eyes. She gently places her hands on the sides of Kyungsoo’s face. “I’m really happy for you, _oppa_.”  
  
Kyungsoo’s heart clenches a bit, having been used to Soojung calling him _oppa._ He reaches out for Soojung’s face and wipes her tears. “I’m sorry, Soojung. I’m really, terribly sorry…”  
  
“No,” Soojung shakes her head, suddenly pulling Kyungsoo towards her and hugging him tightly. “You don’t have to say sorry. You don’t owe me an apology. You deserve to be happy.”  
  
Kyungsoo hugs her back. “But you do, too. We both do, Soojung.”  
  
They promise to remain good friends and keep in touch, because they both know friendship is the only permanent thing they can offer. While that fact hurts both of them, since they’ve both been attached not just physically but emotionally as well, they’re very much aware that they can’t just keep running towards each other, wanting to be touched and held, whenever they feel like it. They just can’t keep doing that to themselves. They both need love and not just a body to warm them up and sate their inner desires.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_One year later…_  
  
  
Kyungsoo impatiently types on his phone. “ _Where the hell are you?! We’re gonna miss our flight!!!_ ” He’s been waiting for Jongin for the past hour.  It is, after all, his idea that they go on a trip and have their official _honeymoon_. They’re not married, of course not, but they both wanted to celebrate their official _togetherness_ so Jongin plans out a Jeju Island vacation for them. Said guy, however, chooses today of all days to be late.  
  
Strong arms hold him by the waist and Kyungsoo turns to give Jongin a peck on the lips. “You’re late, young man.” He shakes his head for emphasis, before he’s being pulled into a breathtaking kiss. He blinks when Jongin lets go of him and carries their stuff.  
  
“I know and I’m sorry,” he says, starting to walk, dragging Kyungsoo with him. “I had to attend to something at work. Now, let’s go!”  
  
Kyungsoo watches Jongin in amusement as they board the plane. Before reaching the end of the gate, however, just a few feet away from the entrance, Kyungsoo pulls Jongin back and kisses him languidly, taking his sweet time. He then whispers, a bit excitedly, “I love you so much,” to which Jongin smiles before pecking Kyungsoo’s heart-shaped lips. “I know. I love you too,” he whispers back. They walk hand in hand, towards their new beginning.


End file.
